My ex husband and I separated shortly after our third child turned three months old.
A bottle of whiskey and a loaded handgun were the last straw.
Somehow, his deep depression and suicide attempt were my responsibility.
Two of our young children sitting outside while he had a loaded gun to his gut, well, that was my fault too. God forbid I try to talk my husband out of killing himself.
One divorce and four years later, and my life has been completed transformed. Every dirty little secret exposed. Every weakness exploited. Nothing, I mean nothing, has been off limits.
Did you know that possession is key with children in marriage? Basically, if a divorce hasn’t been finalized and there are no custody papers signed by a judge, either parent can simply choose not to return the children to the other parent.
Yeah, I hadn’t known that either.
That means if, for example of course, your husband decided to quit his job to ensure the children were never left with anyone other than himself in order for you to regain physical custody of your children, he would be able to do so.
Funny how the law works sometimes.
Then comes what I like to call “the shame game”.
No one will love a single woman with three small children. I mean, why should they?
If I hadn’t been such a terrible wife. If I didn’t act EXACTLY like my mother. If my expectations hadn’t been so high. If I would have just listened better.
When I tell you I have walked through the figurative fire, I mean that the soles of my shoes are still smoldering. If the burns I’ve felt were visible, the old me would be completely unrecognizable.
It’s astounding to look at someone you once loved and truly question if ever really knew who they were. To wonder how someone who ever cared for you could have such malicious intent.
If I have learned anything from my divorce. It would be these three simple things.
1. His opinion of me, does not define me.
2. Just because I wasn’t right for him, does not mean I will not be right for someone else.
3. No one ever gets ahead by causing harm to someone else.
I am not blameless. My wife game is weak. But, I am worthy.
I am worthy of love. I am worthy of respect. I am enough.